What Dreams May Come: August 2010

Once upon a time, I was a young(er) girl. Filled with hopes, dreams, an imagination and a sense of humor. I feel like my high school years in California (Born and Raised there) defined who I am now.

During this time I was "H2OJOCK13" this was me when I was 13-17 and some dabs of 18 I still identified with that name. EVERYTHING was under "H2OJOCK13" my emails and my user names on various websites were all registered with that name. I was smart, got good grades and my life revolved around the water. I played Water Polo and I swam for my school. If I didn't spend at least 1 day a week during summer vacation at Sunset/Huntington Beach something was wrong. My Water Polo number was 13 and I always said it was a good luck number for me.. and bad luck for everyone else. It is funny how a number and a user name..structured my opinion of myself and who I perceived "I was" during that time. I was "H2OJOCK13" and.. I am confident in saying I rocked it.

Sunset Beach - the-perfect-exposure.blogspot.com

  Just today, I was following a couple new acquaintances' blogs and I realized it showed me, the follower, as "H2OJOCK13" and it hit me.. That is not who I am. Who Am I? I have no idea anymore. So in typical-me fashion, I freaked out a little. I didn't not know who I was anymore and somehow, I was bound and determined at that instant to figure it out and do it quick like. Not identifying with "h2ojock13" is not necessarily a bad thing, I've grown up, moved out of my parents house, got engaged, bought a house, got married, moved away from everything I've ever known and the only state I have ever known, to have a different life here in Arizona. All though the "h2o" is still in my blood, I do not need school and sports to define who I am and who I perceive myself to be anymore. It was fun while it lasted, but here I am faced with some more growing up to do.

   Since I was sitting at my desk (at work) during this mini-midlife crisis I had very little people to turn to. My husband is usually a quick text away, but I didn't know if he could tell me.. his opinion might be skewed to who he thinks I am and quite frankly, I was petrified to think about what "name" he would give me if I only gave him a couple shot-gun seconds to figure it out. I turned to a new unsuspecting employee to save me from my mini-crisis. After a couple quick pep talks and a helpful hint (Favorite Movie that I identify with) I came up with.. Who "I am" and what I can identify with during this new phase during my life. "WHAT DREAMS MAY COME" allow me to explain.

   "What Dreams May Come" is a movie with Robin Williams, who is was a doctor who was sadly killed by a car while trying to save someone from a car accident in some tunnel somewhere. He dies, but is able to "ghost stalk" his wife through her journey to grow, and eventually after she commits suicide and he has to go back and save her from "hell". . . scratch that.. this sounds depressing and not what I want to associate myself with.

   "What Dreams May Come" is where I want to be, its me saying to myself.. whatever comes my way, whatever setbacks I have, whatever path I choose.. it will come and it will most likely go. A name does not define me and neither does how I choose to spend my time. It is how I live my life, what I do with my dreams and how I grow from my life-events that makes me who I am.